When you dream about being happier in the future, you’re probably imagining yourself being content with what you have. Maybe you picture a new house or a luxurious lifestyle. But what you’re really imagining is being satisfied with those things. You’re not just picturing wealth, you’re picturing contentment.
That’s the feeling we’re all chasing. But often, when reality doesn’t live up to expectations, it’s because the moment we get something new, we immediately start wanting whatever comes next.
While researching and writing my book, “The Art of Spending Money: Simple Choices for a Happier Life,” I gained some fascinating insights into why chasing more often leads to less happiness.
1. There’s always beauty in the ordinary.
The French writer Marcel Proust once told the story of a young man who was obsessed with the lives of the rich and powerful. Proust then told the young man to spend his time focusing on the artist Jean Siméon Chardin.
Chardin painted scenes of everyday life — food, animals, nature. The point was to appreciate objects that he already had in front of him. To learn to appreciate the life he had rather than to dwell on the dream life he didn’t. “When you walk around a kitchen, you will say to yourself, this is interesting, this is grand, this is beautiful like a Chardin,” Proust wrote.
The lesson is to appreciate what’s in front of you rather than dwelling on what you don’t have. What a wonderful analogy for money, too.
2. The happiest people aren’t the wealthiest. They’re the most content.
The happiest people I know are the most content. Not necessarily the richest, the healthiest, the most beautiful, or the most successful. Just whoever gets to a point of saying, “I’m satisfied with what I have and who I am.”
Some of these people spend a lot of money and live incredibly materialistic lives. But I often think about my grandmother-in-law, who spent three decades in retirement with very little money, living off a meager Social Security check and nothing else. She was technically on the verge of poverty. But she was perfectly content in her small garden and reading books from the library.
She had little, but wanted even less. And she was one of the happiest people you could have ever met.
3. The more you desire something you don’t have, the more you’re just focusing on the fact that you’re not happy right now.
For most people, there’s a hierarchy of spending that goes something like this:
- If you don’t want something and don’t have it, you don’t think about it.
- If you want something and have it, you might feel OK.
- If you want something and don’t have it, you might feel motivated.
- If you want something and can’t have it, you drive yourself absolutely mad.
The sooner you can look around and say, “This is enough” (regardless of your income or lifestyle), the sooner you’ll realize you’ve been rich all along.
4. Low expectations create psychological wealth.
I’ve met half a dozen billionaires in my life — not a single one was as happy as my grandmother-in-law. It was easy to see why: Her low expectations gave her a sense of contentment, which in turn became an enormous source of psychological wealth that some of the richest people in the world lack.
Psychological wealth is such an important concept, and with money it comes from proper expectations.
5. All happiness in life is just the gap between expectations and circumstances.
The person who has everything but wants even more feels poorer than the person who has little but wants nothing else. How could it be any different?
That’s not a plea to live like a monk. You can have a huge house, an expensive car, take incredible vacations — and be content with all of it, appreciating it and desiring nothing more. That can be an amazing life.
The key is realizing that happiness is the state when nothing is missing, regardless of the lifestyle you’re living.
Morgan Housel is the author of the new book, “The Art of Spending Money: Simple Choices for a Richer Life,” and the New York Times bestsellers “The Psychology of Money” and “Same As Ever.” He is a two-time winner of the Best in Business Award from the Society of American Business Editors and Writers, and winner of the New York Times Sidney Award. MarketWatch named him one of the 50 most influential people in markets. He’s a partner at The Collaborative Fund and is the host of The Morgan Housel Podcast.
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